Why Dragons Actually Hoard Treasure

Another response to a Quora question.
Choose one or roll 1d20:



1) Dragons are the bower birds of the monster world. They need to make their lairs as shiny and full of cool stuff as possible to attract a mate.

2) The riddle:
In marble walls as white as milk,
Lined with a skin as soft as silk;
Within a fountain crystal clear,
A golden apple doth appear.
No doors there are to this stronghold,
Yet thieves break in and steal the gold.
Actually alludes to dragon eggs, the embryos of which require gold during certain developmental stages.

3) There was once a more common form of vegetation called Glintweed, whose leaves had an iridescent sheen when viewed in direct sunlight. For various reasons this plant functioned as ideal nesting material for dragons.
Unfortunately, as humanoids began to mine large quantities of precious metal ores, dragons started running into a variant of the dragonfly / oil problem: To the instinctual side of a dragon’s brain, lustrous higher atomic weight refined metals look more like Glintweed than Glintweed itself does. Accordingly dragons near the most civilized areas began lining their nests with gold and silver to the exclusion of Glintweed whenever they could.
Sadly for dragons, the insulative and cushioning properties of precious metals are not conducive to egg development the way Glintweed was. As a result, across most of the world draconic populations are in decline. Additionally, without dragons to spread their seeds, Glintweed shrubs have become an endangered species in most areas.

4) It takes hundreds of peasants and artisans to properly equip and support a knight. And usually several knights to defeat a dragon. With a common cause to struggle toward, such nobles are less likely to be squabbling among themselves.
In light of this, dragons see their hoarding of wealth as a prosocial service they provide to humanoids. They are job creators and peace bringers, giving lesser beings something to strive for other than decadence and jealousy. In fact, probably the best thing you could do for yourself and your fellow mortals is to just let the dragon keep that gold and maybe give it more.

5) The laws of physics shouldn’t allow something as big as a dragon such agility and flight ability. They should be built and move like elephants or sauropods. Sages speculate that, through some form of innate sympathetic magic, dragons are able to transfer a portion of their gravitic mass to any gold they rest upon. This allows the creature to retain it’s muscle bulk and inertial mass while being less influenced by gravity.
For this reason dragon gold always weighs about 150% of it’s normal mass for about two days after being removed from a dragon’s lair. This also explains in part a dragon’s arcane connection to its gold and its ability to notice when even small portions are missing.

6) Dragons are big, nigh unstoppable creatures. Even the gods contest against them in vain. But Hades (or his equivalent) has a big beef with them: Dragons burrow into the ground, HIS DOMAIN, with impunity. And they don’t seek his blessing or pardon while doing so.
Hades couldn’t defeat dragons directly, so he cursed them. Being the god of wealth and precious metals got from the earth, he decreed that wealth would flow to the dragons, and they would not be able to rid themselves of it. As a result, men of avarice would ever and always hunt dragons to get at the stuff they possessed.

7) There is some level beyond which a combination of greed and miserliness becomes so transcendent that it can gradually transform a human into a dragon.

8) The old Kalak Special: If you accumulate enough wealth and kill enough folks in a magically ritual manner, you too could transform into a dragon.

9) Dragon scales are surprisingly rigid and tough to clean once encrusted with debris. Gold is a metal which is just soft enough to deform slightly in contact with a dragon’s scales, making it more comfortable than most other substances to sleep on. But it is supportive and non-stick enough that it is easy to shake off upon waking.

10) The metalic pieces around them are not really coins, but the inner linings of scales which the dragon has shed. They do make for good bedding, but dragons keep them because they are clever and know that sympathetic magic could be worked against the dragon if a magician ever got hands on such a piece of draconic detritus.

11) Listen, this isn’t my treasure. I don’t want this stuff. I’m just… holding it, see. For some leprechauns, while their rainbows get fixed. Truth be told, I’d love to get rid of it if I could, but you’ve got to talk to those guys.

12) What’s in the pot? Gold? So, ah, that’s a nice rainbow you got there. Be a shame if something were to happen to it.

13) Precious metals are a deterrent against various grubs which parasitize nesting dragons.

14) They produce so much internal heat, they need the gold and silver to act as an effective heat sink while they sleep.

15) Gold is a hell of a drug.
Humans! You wanna play rough?  Say hello to my little friend!
<breath weapon> <breath weapon> <breath weapon>

16) You notice dragons sleep nearish to the gold, but the image of them sleeping on top of it is just a myth. It turns out gold pieces are actually dragon fewments, and the “gold horde” is really just their litterbox.

17) Have you ever jumped in a ball pit or a pile of leaves? It’s exhilarating! Well dragons are just Scrooge McDucking it in their lairs every day. Every dragon can’t wait to get enough coinage to pull it off.

18) Dragons are materially embodied spirits of wealth. If you get enough wealth in one region, it achieves critical mass and a dragon is formed.

19) This isn’t really dragon’s gold, it’s debased gold from a counterfeiting operation. And this isn’t really a dragon, it’s <pulls off the mask> Old Man Carruthers!?
It’s always old man Carruthers. And he would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling kids.

20) In it’s youth the dragon fell in love with a mortal king. But like all mortals the king one day died. Now the dragon collects these tiny golden pictures to remember the king by. It sits atop this pile of mementos and weeps for the one it will never see again in this life.

Comments

  1. Yet another reason:
    https://mastodon.art/@nathanolsenart/109847697190428140

    ReplyDelete

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